From 3 months to 1.5 months

Admittedly, going 1.5 months without blogging is a long time, but you can agree -- at least I hope -- that it is much better than going 3 months without blogging.

Our New Perro

To all those who submitted entries, thank you.

For those of you who wanted 'esteban'-- thank you -- unfortunately, you entry was not chosen. But please don't dispair, you're still a winner!

In case you have forgotten what the prize is, allow me to remind you:

* Grand Prize: Lifetime membership in babysitting our dog.

* Other prize winners: same prize as Grand Prize Winner.

Congratulations to all who participated!


What's That Doggy's Name in the Window?

We went for a real storng mexican name. We named him Nicolas Cage.


"'Nicolas cage', what type of damn hell name is that -- that's no mexican name?"

I know...I know...at the onset, Nicolas Cage doesn't seem 'too' mexican. But before you get your chones (spanish slang for underwear) all bunched up, I present to you this:

Nicholas Cage, the actor, is a "fine, handsome, specimen of a man", in my mother's eyes. We think she has secret crush on him--she watches all of his movies.

So, as a joke, we name him Nicolas Cage, but we call him 'Nico' for short.

Plus, we figured that 'Nico' sounds fairly mexican.

Three Months?

Time gapes me.

How insensitive! Not attending to my blog, what a shame.

But is it really the fault of time? Can time really be blamed? Or should I point the finger at myself? Can I be blamed for this?

Probably not.

The culprit, here, is unconventional. I blame my wife. Its all her fault.

There, I said it. Its my wife's fault. She is to blame for this.


Perros Calientes

"Last night, in a shaddy parking lot, of an East Las Vegas Jr. High school, our transaction went down.

She meet us there, with prodcut in hand.

We weren't sure what to expect. We questioned whether or not the product was legit. How many times do you actually get quality from a one-marked vouch proprietor?

Thank the lord, the prodcut was good. It looked clean and smelled sweet.

We were lucky. All things could have gone to hell. With cops and other consumers all around. We were lucy that no one screwed the pooch."

-------

The above rant is one of the many musings in my mind. Its all a rouse just to say, we got a new dog!

Here are some pixs:










Name that Dog

Yes, folks....we need helpnaming that dog. The dog doesn't have a name yet.

Feel free to pass along some suggestions. There are only three criterias:

1. the name must be a strong mexican name and must be in spanish
2. It's a boy dog, so please only suggest boy names.
3. We are under no obligation to accept the name provided to us, but if we do accept a suggested name, the suggestor will win one free "babysit the Avendano's dog, sitting session."


Name on!

Is it really her fault?

Okay, okay. Its not my wife's fault that I have not blogged in the last three months. I made it up. Sorry, honey.

The truth is, its the Dog's fault!

Enjoying maui, part II

Its a lazy afternoon here in maui. Which was needed after this morning's sunrise tour to the volcano.

I wish I could say we were up at the butt crack of dawn, but to do so is a huge understatement.

This morning we got up at the crack of the butt crack of dawn. At 2:00 am we were up and getting ready to meet our tour guide in the lobby of the hotel.

1 hour later we were at a local convinence store buying coffee and looking for a snack to eat.

After settling for some boring pastry next to the donought island we made our way to the counter. And while paying, to my surprise, I got the biggest treat of my early morning life. Behind the counter were piping hot fresh Manapuas.

I couldn't believe it, this convinent store had fresh manapuas.

I love me some manapuas.

If you don't know what manapuas are let me explain.

Manapuas are white in color and resemble pizza dough balls prior to being cooked. However, manapuas are fully cooked and in the center of them are filled with one of many fillings. The one I had this morning had a traditional filling of pork.

Bitting into a manapua has no comparisson. Although I will say this, the meat filling is fabulous and the dough salty and sweet flavor.

I didn't share any of my manapua with MaryAnn, altough she did offe me some of the pastry we bought. I didn't see the need to offer since she probalt wouldn't have like it anyways. Nonetheles, why chance it to only find out she really does like 'em? Then I'm stuck trading half of my manapua for some day old stale pastry.

-- Ramon

P.S. The sunrise and the volcano were cool, we got lots of pictures.

--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Enjoying maui

We are in our second day in maui and are enjoying the traditionally popular event: relaxing in a cabana on the beach in front of our hotel.

Sex is GOOD.

More details to come.

--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Desires

I told MaryAnn the other day that I want to learn to play the piano. I think deep down-inside me, I believe, I have a hidden talent -- a prodigy, of sorts.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a prodigy. But I have a craving and yearning to deeply express myself via the piano.

There's something mysterious about engaging your whole body, mind and soul into an activity that when done right, produces some phenomenal music.


Saturday (June 17) is 4 days away

Four days and counting...

Since our wedding date has approached the 'days' instead of the 'months', I've been keeping a running count.

Today is precisely four days away till I marry her and she marries me.


A future Hope

The future hope of us getting married is so soon and so far away. These last few days seem to wallow in drudgery. And in turn, these last four days seem "to soon" to get married.

This future hope of marriage is a ubiquitous euphoria that one day will realize itself. To get to that day requires work. Some of that work has been joyful. Other parts have been tedious.

My running count of joyful vs. tedious right now has tedious winning 5 to 1.

Now before I get strung up by my toes for making such an "insensitive" remark...I say as Jesus said:

"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."

So, we too will forgot our 'tedious' pains of getting married and then one day soon celebrate with joy!

12 days

Some days are easy, some days are hard.

Its hard for me to completely comprehend that we...that...I...are...am...getting married.

I know we are getting married, but it is hard for me to comprehend that we are getting married.

12 days remain. I know there is great beauty ahead. And I know there is hardship ahead as well.

There is joy and there is pain.

I stand at the crest, dawning a new time.

I think of the disciples becoming disciples, for the first time since their natural birth they would know a new life -- one packed with joy and pain.

 

I'm sure they welcomed they joy and squirmed off the idea of pain. But as they grew in Christ, they somehow, God-led, welcomed the pain.

 

Us too. May we welcome the joy and may we not dwell on the future pains. Rather, may we accept them and deal with them as they come.

 

This I need help in.
 

Where to start?

Today was better than yesterday.

Yesterday was filled with much anxiety, fear and just plain believing some lies. I often forget God's words in trying times. And at times, I fail to put God's word into practice.

Life.

The last 10 monts have brought some great joy and some trying times. Since August:

- We sold my house by UNLV

- MaryAnn and I got engaged

- We've been planning a fat wedding -- fat to be understand as "damn...this is hard, overwhelming stuff"

- We've bought a new house

- We've been furnishing the new house

- We've moved MaryAnn in

- We had some hard fights, but well-learned lessons

- We've come to love each other so much more

- We get married in 18 days


Car accident.

The new car is out of commision for another 15 days.

On Friday, May 12, some guy wasn't watching and rear-ended me on the intersection of Green Valley Parkway and the I-215.

As of yet, a rental car has not been provided by his insurance. But thank God, my mother allows me to drive her boat (Mercury Grand Marqui)

Dinner tonight.

This evening I'm having dinner with MaryAnn and some guy she was 'Best Friends' with in High School. She hasn't seen him since high school and was recently reunited with him.

I'm told that there was nothing ever romantic, but I'm curious to see how things play out this evening. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but what if he comes out and says "I need to tell you that ...." -- you fill in the blanks.

But like I said, I'm sure it'll be fine. Really, I'm sure he is cool.

Nonetheless, we are having dinner at one of my favorite cuban places. 'Rincon Criollo' has the best Cuban food at the best prices.

Immigration Issue

In light of it, please remember, we are human.

Here is a spanish song by the group Mana that I have translated.

Pobre Juan

Juan se lanzo marchandose al norte
iba en busca de una vida digna
cruzando Mexico por valles y por montes
iba Juan lleno de fe.

La historia es que Juan se iba a casar
con Maria embarazada
pero el no tenia ni un centavo
ni un clavo que darle.

Pero este Juan iba muy decidido
y a la frontera el llego con todo el filo.

Se conecto con el mero mayor de los coyotes
y la historia le conto:

Mire usted que yo quiero cruzarme ya
a San Diego o Chicago,
digame usted lo que hago
que precio le pago.

Juan ya nunca regreso,
en la linea se quedo,
pobre Juan
o la migra lo mato
o el desierto lo enterro,
pobre Juan.

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Juan le enseno al coyote
una foto de Maria
con la cual se casaria,
le prometio que el regresaria
para formar todo un hogar.

Pero el coyoto a Juan lo traiciono
dejandolo al olvido,
de tres balas se tronaron a Juan,
pobre de Juan,
no regreso

no, oh.

Juan ya nunca regreso,
en la linea se quedo,
pobre Juan
o la migra lo mato
o el desierto lo enterro,
pobre Juan
y Maria lo fue a buscar
y ella nunca lo encontro,
desaparecio,

oh...

Poor Juan

Juan marched north
he sought a dignified life
crossing Mexico's mountains and valleys
full of faith Juan went

The story is that he was to be married
with Maria pregnant
he had not one cent in his pocket
nor one pot, nor window

But our Juan, determined, he went
He arrived at the border amongst all the others in line

Talking to the best of the best Coyotes, Juan told his story:

"Understand, I want to cross
to San Diego or Chicago, I don't care
tell me what I should do
what must I pay?"

Juan never returned
at the border he stayed
Poor Juan
Immigration killed him
the desert swallowed his body
Poor Juan

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Juan showed the Coyote
a photo of Maria
the one he is to marry,
he promised to return
establishing a new home

But the Coyote betrayed Juan
Forgetting about Juan
with three bullets they shoot Juan
Poor Juan
he did not return

oh, no.

Juan never returned
at the border he stayed
Poor Juan
Immigracion killed him
the earth ate his body
Poor Juan
And Maria went looking for him,
never finding him, he disappeared,
oh...

As a side note:

If certain legislation is passed, I guees I might become a felon.

My father was illgeal at one time and I aided him.

Do I get to go to jail for that?

If so, bring it on!

Mariachi Band?

I'm looking for one that is reasonably priced and available June 17, 2006.

Please do not send me any leads that will cost me $850/hr.

Thanks.

Ramon

Missing my father
Johnny Cash, Hurt

On an island of all bequeath things

I stand along with thee

You sit with me

a cloud of witnessing things

How could it be

arrived on an island of all bequeath things

The road you traveled landed me here

I'm surrounded by water

I look to the sky to see the stars

You've bequeath me to this island

traversing the desert you landed me here

The island I stand

nothing in common with the desert you traveled

traversed, two million miles away

I look up to the sky

There the star that shined

All the same

When you were alive

Sitting in the car

you told me that you were sorry

Sorry for not giving more than what you did

How could I ask for me --

although I myself thought wanted more

All I need is you

you are not the one who sat in the recliner this morning

who does he think he is

He has no idea of what he did
he has no idea of what he did

You are the one to sit in the chair
you are the one to sit in the chair

No one else can sit there

How he dare.

MySpace

I don't know why I did this, but I did.

Here you go: click here

Very good wine

Rosa regale sparkling red (Italy)
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Today I am 30

30 years ago this day around 10 a.m. I was born :-)

Am I supposed to make a speech since I am 30 now?

Happy Birthday, me!

Makes me sad

I was making a lunch run today and ran into friend/aquantense of my brother's.

He made some comments that were odd for him. Although he has never spoken ill of my brother to me, today, he had something nice to say about my brother. But, he said it in a slightly depricating tone, that as I drove back to the office it hit me--this guy is depressed.

It makes me sad that he is depressed. I've know him for many years.

Its easy to spot someone who is depressed, when you yourself have been depressed.

I need to pray for him. He is Jewish by culture and is agnostic by religion.

I pray for the healing of his heart, mind and soul. I pray that all blinding factors be removed. I pray for his soul to be free and lifted of malice. And that repentance be the condition of his heart. I pray for a grace that props him up like the ocean props up ships.

Proposed. Engagement.

I was told today by one of my co-workers that I now have a fiancé.

"Interesting and scary", I thought. Just 24-hours ago I had a girlfriend.

Last night I gave the talk/sermon/talk at the gathering. I spoke on faith.

The main idea of the talk was to look at the perspective of faith...not the idea of faith, but rather, the object of our faith -- Jesus.

I'm not quite sure how good of a job I did. There were a few moments where I blundered and forgot to say some things. In addition, I'm not sure how effective the talk was, so I'm not quite sure how well it was received. My hope was that it hit the home of everyone's heart. If that happened, then I am happy.

Last night's talk had two purposes: give a talk on faith and then make a transition to propose to MaryAnn in presence of our community.

Toward the end of my talk, I spoke on the idea of faith and marriage--and my internal/mental struggles with it. As I made the transition into that realm, I asked MaryAnn to stand up and look toward the back on the sanctuary. At first she was reluctant and asked "why". I responded with "just turn around."

When she did, she saw her entire family sitting in the last row. That was one of my gifts to her. I thought it to be a good to sneak her family into the sanctuary and be present for the proposal.

Upon seeing her family, she immediately knew what was coming next. But instead of proposing to her, I continued talking a wee-bit longer. I proceeded to thank Greg for the opportunity and then spoke to the crowd. In the mean while, MaryAnn was on the edge of her seat--rooting me on--to hurry up with the proposal. It was actually quite cute.

So, then, I said, walking toward her, "I've never done this before ... umm...MaryAnn, can I have your hand in marriage."

I'm thankful she said yes. Phew!

2 funerals and 1 hospital visit

The last two weeks have brought two deaths and one hospital visit.

The first death was a young gentlmen who lived across the street. At the age of 33 he died of a massive heart attack. He leaves one son behind who will now most likely struggle whith what it means not having a father.

The second death is my boss' mother. She died after a 12 year battle with Alzyhimers. Year after year she got progressively worse. And last tuesday, she succomed to her illness. Here is a link on the LV Sun website regarding her life -- clik here.

Over the weekend, Emily (MaryAnn's sister), had emergency gallbladder surgery. After the long hours in the ER, being sent home at 3 a.m.--only to come back hours later--she is one organ less and is resting well.

A new identity

For a while I have been wanting to change my blog name to truly and more accurately reflect my true self.

It has been a long, treacherous and joyful journey with Jesus. And the time has come to make a change in my blog name.

It may not seem like a big deal ... or rather, it may seem like a petty or stupid thing to do. But I think its crucial.

My new blog name will now be: Proliferating Santos

Previously, it was Proliferating menzos -- which is an anglo/spanish combinational term meaing "multiplying dummies".

I don't think I ever considered myself a dummy, altough sometimes I sure felt like one. But even a greater tragedy, is that, I believed its spiritual synonymical counterpart: worthless, ignoramous, artificial, fake, false, etc.

Although I haven't come full circle in embracing my true identity as a Santo (Saint), I do know that continually I will try to engage what God says and thinks of me.

And exactly what is a Santo? A Santo is "one separated from the world and consecrated to God; one holy by profession and by covenant; a believer in Christ." (Ps. 16:3; Rom. 1:7; 8:27; Phil. 1:1; Heb. 6:10).

Sometimes ... alot if times ... I am wrong

I'm realizing that I am miss hearing things as of late and am reacting in poor ways.

To MaryAnn, I am sorry for failing to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

To my mother, I am sorry for failing to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

Father, thank you for forgiving me. May your kind, healing, loving hand be upon me.

Ramon

The last time

I was with a co-worker today visiting a nursing home. My co-worker has a friend that desperately needs to get into a licensed, nursing facility, where he'll get true treatment.

On the way back from the facility, we talked a little about my father and how his situation parallels her friends situation. As I shared with her my last time helping my father from the couch to his wheelchair to his bed, I explained that I treated him with such care--unbeknownst to me--that this was my last time doing this. I explained how I handled my father with absolute care and went the extra mile for him.

As I pondered our conversation a few minutes ago, sitting here at my desk, I tearfully realized that my God, my Father, My Lord, caused me to care for him in such a diligent manner, contradicting any and all other incidents where I was not as patient or generous or loving as I could have been.

I am thankful that I have this glimpse now but need to ponder on it much deeper. It needs to sink into me much deeper.

Malinche

"Go with your daddy" coos my mother, as she gently strokes her body. As the evening came upon us, our dog laid her head on her paws and drifted into a deep sleep. This evening we put our dog to sleep, her name is Malinche.

As the nurses prep our dog's catheter, I stand in the hallway waiting for them to call us back into the room. Standing and waiting, leaning against the wall, I close my eyes and pray. Speaking to God, not being able to find any verses in the bible about dog's departing earth and heading to heaven, I ask God, that if possible, to please allow her into heaven. For I reason, what wrong has this dog done, that to suppose if such a wrong existed to warrant her arrest into Hades, then why shouldn't I ask Father to allow her into heaven.

Praying, and not wanting to be overcome with emotion, I keep my eyes closed, but not immediately realizing that my lips are moving. As one of the nurses walks by, I end my prayer, awaiting for the door to open which will allow us to reunite with Malinche.

Upon the door opening, there lay Malinche looking at us. Her catheter lay firm to her leg, bandaged with fluorescent green tape. Making our way to Malinche, we stroke her body, pat her head and gently tap her snout.

In walks the doctor. Dr. somthing -- I don't recall her name -- is pleasant and explains to us the quick and allegedly painless procedure. Although it maybe painless, and the best we try to not let onto Malinche that what remain ahead for her, are her last breathes, I'm sure she senses that not all is right; so how can it be painless?

After the the doctor tested the line, she procedes to inject -- what seems to be a huge vile of pink fluid -- into Malinche's leg. Not much happens at first but after a few seconds, Malinche begins licking the sides of her mouth. Continuing to lick, she slowly lowers her head down onto her paws. Resting her head onto her paws, Malinche stops licking.

Malinche takes one huge breathe of air into her lungs and then exhales. The doctor slides over to one side of Malinche, placing her stethoscope on her rib cage. As the doctor speaks, telling us that her heart has now stopped, Malinche exhales one final breathe.

Malinche was a good, faithful dog, who was treated well by my mother, and deserved better treatment from me.

She is the type of human friend that all could ever want and all that everyone needs.

I have one picture of her. Its her being held by my father in his arms. May that picture be ever truer now than when it was in the past.

One last belly rub for you Malinche, we love you.

My Pops

Today I think of my father
I'm reminded of him through such a simplistic song
Such a profound song it is, it makes me cry

Somewhere over the rainbow, Israel K sings
His sultry and phonetically clean Hawaiian voice accompanied with his ukelele
transforms this dramatized, distant song, into a captured dream

Israel sings of where my father be

Someday I wish upon the star
wake up where the clouds far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney top that's where you will find me

I see me father calling out to me, reminding me of where he sits
calling me, telling me, he is proud of me...

To write such words fills me
causing the sorrow to flow out of me
mysteriously filling me with both sorrow and joy

How I wish I could re-spend his last days with me over and over again

But to know that he sits high above the chimney top
the place to find him and be with him
I shall strive to live for him
so I can be with him and once again see him

How I wish people could have known my father when he was physically well
What a great man of joy he is and was.

Como te amo y como te quiero

An interesting first

As the lady slipped her arms around me she says, "hold that up to your nipple line"

Nipple Line...what the hell is that. I don't have nipples; girls have nipples!

Today was the first day I went to the gym and actually have a trainer.

See me as Owen Wilson

http://www.weddingcrashersmovie.com/crashthistrailer/index.htm?id=103279

House sold

My house sold today for listing price....yeah!

Let's such hope and pray that this doesn't fall through.

Ramon
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Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Re: Fishing in SF Part II

Fishing didn't go as planned.

Originally I was the only who was going to fish, but in the rush this morning I mistakenly bought Maryann a pass to fish.

One mile out to sea, I became violently ill and threw up into the ocean. I have never been so ill my life. I threw up so much and so hard that my throat was raw for the bile. Sorry for the visual.

4 miles out to sea I threw up again but this time I didn't make it to the side of the boat. The plastic bag that maryann gave me saved me. But again, so violent that my throat was shreddeds to pieces.

After our second stop to cast our lines, Captain Joey was hooping-n-hollaring and was banging on the window. He then yells out to maryann and I “you all got a fish”.

I say, “honey, you go.” Maryann sprung to her feet, took the pole from the captain, and then spent 20 minutes realing in a 23 lb Salmon.

Her salmon was so big and beating everyone else out on the boat, she won the pool for the biggest fish. We are now $75 richer.

More to follow later.
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

-----Original Message-----

Our fishing expedition has begun. It is foggy and the temp is good. Will send more details later.
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Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Fishing in SF

Our fishing expedition has begun. It is foggy and the temp is good. Will send more details later.
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Maybe a first

We are sitting in theater waiting for the movie to start and all the sudden the fire alarms goes off.

In a pathetically grinding voice, s woman's voice comes from the speakers “attention please, attention, please...an emergwncy has been reported, an emergency ha been reported.”

This last 20 minutes. Maybe we should have left, but the lights just went off and maryann keeps proding me to turn off my blackbeery.

I hope batman has been worth this wait.

--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

One Year

This day, one year ago, in the wee hours of the morning, my Father realized his new kingdom.

This has been one of the hardest years of my life, which says a lot since most other years have been filled with trauma.

I just returned from lunch with a friend/slash co-worker. She remembered that this was my Father's one-year anniversary. As I shared with her my current emotional and spiritual state, I shared the news of the kingdom as well. It was not planned.

One the car ride back to the office I felt slight shame for feeling the way I do and trying to share the kingdom at the same time. And then a thought entered my mind. I was reminded of Jesus being in need of water and in his need he supplied water for woman at the well.

I miss my Father greatly. I miss him even more when I think of all the mistakes I made toward him or the hurts I caused him.

This afternoon I will visit his grave with my mother.

Please think of us. Please pray for us. Please think of my father and his joy.

Thing(s) I will not blog about*

- making fun of my girlfriend

* note: 71 is a great number

Last Call. Late Notice.

this saturday, I along with a few friends are painting the inside of my house.

If anyone who reads this can spare a few hours and can help out a brother, please call me.

My cell number is 580.6919

Here is a link to a map: http://maps.google.com/maps?q=3077+Aldon+Ave,+Las+Vegas,+NV+89121&ll=36.106578,-115.107011&spn=0.021912,0.038482&hl=en

The painitng gig will be between 9 am - 5 pm.

There will be free food...food of choice (within reason of course).

I could really use the help. And if you send me $29.95, I will send you an autograph photo with hugs and kisses.

Don't wait.

This offer expires soon.

Act now or forever be out of luck!

Clarification

Some have asked what I meant when I wrote: "with one quick, unintetional move, a grown man is left in pain."

I thought the wity, clever comment would explain it well. I guess it wasn't that wity or clever, and the explanation didn't come through either.

After explaining the situation in detail to Tommy and Gregg S., Gregg says: "you're supposed to say that you hurt the boys..."


So, leaving you with Gregg's words, what I meant to say is that "I hurt the boys."

Thank you, Gregg.

Ramon

Schools out, Grades are in, Good news!

I am so happy to report that I received A's in both my classes:

World Literature: A
Intro to Computer Science: A

I am so happy and thank God for his blessing in this.

Amen!

Sitting at Dennys studying for my final

With one quick, unintentional move, a grown man is left in pain.
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Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

What's wrong with that?

Yesterday Maryann and I were running some coaxial cable from the cable splitter to the guest room.

As we're working, she turns to me and says, “I want to go to mt. Charleston next week.” I ask why.

She responds with, “its the one year anniversary of our first date.”

So, I ask, “do I have to go.”

Let's just say, lucky for me, she knew I was half joking...otherwise I would still be working one the cable line.
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

New email Address

Please send emails to my new address:

razor7132 at gmail.com

I can still receive email at my cox.net address, but I thought it best to switch over to gmail.

Thanks.

Ramon

Tid bits

* I've been studying for the last several hours. My study shack for today has been this cubby hole between quiznos and starbucks on sahara and marylandparkway.

* I'm killing time studying waiting for maryann to finish training the $65/hr consultant who is filling in at her old job. Sad thing is, maryann gets paid $15/hr to train the consultant.

* while I've studied today, I've seen and heard six or seven ambulances/fire trucks go by...those things are particularly loud today.

* while I've sat and studied today, I drank down a toxic mixture of low carb sobre and diet coke. Two 32-ounce glasses causes a man too pee excessively.

* Another ambulence just past--this one wasn't as obnoxiously loud.

* I'm writing a crtique on Dante's inferno for my world lierature class. His biblical assumptions and parallism are utterly wrong. We'll see how I do, hopelly I can get an A.

* Its interesting how many groups of people hang out at starbucks.

Peace.
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

You move

You held me through the storm
You walk with me through hell
You showed me that you indeed were tempted and can relate

No temptation is a surprise to you
Nothing overcomes you
Nothing surprises you

I can finally relate
May I always relate

When the day comes that I believe I can't relate
Remind of the day you showed me that you really could relate
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Smoking coco's

I'm sitting at coco's, the one across the street from unlv.

The air is dense--filled with smoke --coming from the lonely manager sitting way in the back.

Once my food comes and I get some studying done, I flying this coupe.
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Another test

test

Smelly tests are funny

I laughed when I read Cheryl and Kenny's remarks to my last entry; their remarks were funny.

The reason for the "this is a test" is that I was testing my blog's RSS feed.

Onto the subject of smelly

Kenny Parker ... his last blog entry http://kennyparker.blogspot.com/2005/03/we-have-got-to-get-it-together-we-have.html reminded me of an incident that happened when I was at Wal-mart the other day.

While I was cruising the dog food isle, this old lady walks past me. When she get about 15 feet away, she rips the nastiest fart ever. Thankfully I did not smell anything, but the sound was just horrible and indicating that that puppy was gonna be stinky.

this is a test

Pens

Have you every chewed on the end of a pen for so long that the pen errupts in you mouth?

Ink don't taste too good.

No, this wasn't my first time.

A little late -- 60 to 45

I don't know when it started but one of my defecencies in life is returning rental movies on time.

I'm always late. And with all the late fees I've racked up, I could have bought all of the movies I have rented.

With that said, last saturday I bit the bullet and paid my late charges at blockbusters. My late charges steam prior to blockbuster launching their "no more late charges" policy. Sucky for me.

When I went up to the counter, I informed the girl behind the register that I owed some money and to not hollar out the amount I owe.

She smiled, then proceeded to discount my bill.

So, in appreciation, I say thank you, "J".

Ramon

Fortunate Son

I like this song -- no, it is not my way to protest the war, I just like the song.

Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
Ooh, they’re red, white and blue.
And when the band plays hail to the chief,
Ooh, they point the cannon at you, lord,

It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no senator’s son, son.
It ain’t me, it ain’t me; I ain’t no fortunate one, no,

Yeah!
Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don’t they help themselves, oh.
But when the taxman comes to the door,
Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yes,

It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no millionaire’s son, no.
It ain’t me, it ain’t me; I ain’t no fortunate one, no.

Some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
Ooh, they send you down to war, lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give?
Ooh, they only answer more! more! more! yoh,

It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no military son, son.
It ain’t me, it ain’t me; I ain’t no fortunate one, one.

It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no fortunate one, no no no,
It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no fortunate son, no no no,

Today is my Birhtday

Happy Birthday, me.

I'm 29 today.

A Weighty Truth

In my pursuit to lose weight, I'm sad to report that I actually gained 4 pounds.

My co-workers subtly shunned me. I could see it in their faces.

I am sadden.

The truth is I have not been diligent with my plan. In regards to food, its been a 90% effort. The occasional late night snacking mixed with eatting massive amounts of carbs this weekend did not help cause at today's weigh-in.

On the exercise front, I'm wracked with disappoint--I am not doing what I said I was going to do. The idea of working out each night has transpired to only three times over the last two weeks.

There's my confession. Now the changing of the mind must succeed.

Meal schedule

I figure it would be a good idea to write down or at least try to keep track of what I eat each day.

so, here it goes ...

Thursday -- 01/13/05
* breakfast - 2 quesidillas on low carb tortilla (8 g / carbs)
* snack - diet coke and powerbar, carb select(2 g / carbs)
* lunch - 1/2 and order of fingers with ranch (2 g / carbs)
* snack - 1/2 and order of fingers with ranch(2 g / carbs)
* dinner - 1.5 servings of low carb spaghetti, salad (10 g / carbs)
* snack - powerbar, carb select (2 g / carbs)

total carbs: 26 g / carbs

Note: I forgot what I ate on wednesday, so I can't post it.

Tuesday -- 01/11/05
* breakfast - 1 ham and egg burrito on low carb tortilla (5 g / carbs)
* snack - Chicharrones [prok rins] (1 g / carbs)
* lunch - 1 ham and egg burrito on low carb tortilla & low-card yogurt (8 g / carbs)
* snack - powerbar, carb select (2 g / carbs)
* dinner -5 chicken thighs, one low carb tortilla and cheese( 5g / carbs)
* snack - 2 cups of half/half with splashes of corn flakes(25 g/ carbs)

total carbs: 46 g / carbs

Note: Too many carbs this day. I had been miscalculated the half/half with splashes of corn flashes -- I'm giving them up.

Monday -- 01/10/05
* breakfast - powerbar, carb select (2 g / carbs)
* snack - half of a low carb chocholate bar (1.5 g / carbs)
* lunch - (3) .99 cent caesar salads frim wendy's (6 g / carbs)
* snack - other half of low carb choch. bar and a powerbar, cab select (3.5 g / carbs)
* dinner - 2 steak, cheese burritos on low carb tortillas (12 g / carbs)
* snack - cup of half/half with some reg. milj with a splash of corn flakes (14g / carbs)

total carbs: 39 g / carbs

Note: I've recalculated my first count of carbs...I was wrong about the half/half with flakes.

Weigh-in

Today 10 of us at VEGAS.com have weighed in, placed our money on the table and got up on the scale.

We have banded together to lose weight and hopefully for the biggest loser make a few bucks.

Yes, the idea partly comes from the TV show "The Biggest Loser", but our main inspiration is health...and the money ain't bad either. Ten people at $100 is 10 benjamins. And we know its all about the benjamins, right?

Yesterday while at Costco on some obscure isle, I weighed myself. Right before getting on the scale I instructed Maryann not to look. She didn't, which I am glad for. The scale broke my heart. But on the flip side, at least I didn't break the scale.

According to yesterday's weigh in I am pushing 242 pounds. But at today's weigh in, using two different scales, I registered at 233. I'm somewhat happy that both scales said 233 cause that means I don't weigh 242.

Nonetheless, I have 40 pounds to lose in 3 months. I know that sounds a little extreme, but in high school I did loose 50 pounds in three months. And over 11 years gained it all back plus some.

I want to loose 40 pounds not so much for the money, rather for the health aspect. If I loose 40 pounds and don't win the money that is okay because that means one of my other co-workers lost more than I did.

The way the contest works is based off the percentage of weight you loose. For example, If I weigh 233 and loose 40 pounds, that's 17 percent of my body weight. Not bad.

Now the wild card in this contest is if our largest co-worker looses 76.5 pounds. With that, he ties my percentage. All he needs to do then is loose 77.5 pounds and he beats me.

There are few others who are +/- 10 pounds of where I am at. They will be good competitors and may even surpass me which is cool.

Come Sunday, April 10, 2005, I hope to be 40 pounds lighter or near that.

My strategy

A realistic workout plan: situps and girlie pushups along with an evening brisk walk.

My eating workout: 5 or 6 meals a day, low carb.

Suggestions

If you have any suggestions or concerns, feel free to post 'em. If you want to invite me to go work out, please do. But one favor I do ask, please do not invite to a buffet.

Here's to weight loss and a healthy life.

Peace!

I need a haircut -- the big afro guys is me

Movements Part II

The paperwork has been sign, so it must be official.

Starting Jan 17, 2005, I begin working reduced hours in an effort to pursue a Master's Degree in Management Information Systems (MIS).

My first day of class is January 19. In order to apply for grad school I need to retake two courses that I got bad grades in. And in March, I will hopefully take my GMAT.

I am super excited about this move. Its a win-win situation for my employers and me.

Its a huge, bold move for me and has come via many awesome things coming together.

Father, brothers and sisters are the biggest influencers in making it happen.

I am happy.

Movements Part I ...

Dearest Kate,

It is true that your love is sweeter than ice cream

You make me feel wonderfully neat

Your love is completing...I need to understand that

I want you to know how much I love you

May my actions and deeds speak these words to you...I love you

It has really hit me: I need you, I love you and I want you

I would be be so sad if our journey were to cease

May our paths be together as we sojourn in this land

Then in a glimpse may we find ourselves together in our true completing land

Love,
Jack

To Cedar, Duck Creek and back

I am sure glad to be home.

I know two things for sure: I don't like snowed in cabins and I don't want to go back in the winter time.

The only slightly fun place I have ever been in Utah has been in Park City. Every other place has been very, very boring.

Making my way to Duck Creek I found out that the 14 (its and interstate/highway) was closed due to snow. So, I was stuck in St. George for a night. After securing a room at the Best Western I went to dinner and then went to see Ocean's 12.

The movie sucked, I feel a sleep. There weren't many people in the theater so I sat way in the back. I must have been snoring Real Hard cause the girls 6 rows in front of me moved even further away from me while I was catching some shut-eye.

These girls seemed to be a little perturbed at my snoring. I felt bad that I was snoring but I didn't think it was that bad. But it must have been, cause as I walked to my car one of the girls was giving me a George W scowl.

I am sure glad to be home.

Did I mention I hate the snow?

Michelle and Darren -

you both make me laugh.

:-)

In mormon country

In mormon country

Its funny how many eyes stare at me because of the color of my skin.
If I was white, I wouldn't have this issue.

And why do they stare at me? Don't they know that I am unredeemable-the curse of cain thing will do that to you.

Currently stuck in st. George ... I'll write more when the snow clears in cedar.

Peace!
--------------------------
Ramon Avendano
via BlueBerry

Since my last blog ...

1. courtesy VEGAS.com, I got three free nights at Golden Nugget in downtown

2. stayed one night at the GN with maryann and my mom (she was our chaperone)

3. flew to El Paso, TX and back in a 24-hour period for a Quinceniera.

4. while in El Paso, my mom, maryann and her sister (emily) enjoyed a girls night out at the GN [emily is now hooked on nickel slots courtesy of my mom].

5. came back from El Paso and went straight to the GN.

6. started my two week vacation (I am now on my 4th day).

7. my sister and 5 nieces and nephews came into town for a visit.

8. I have been to the mall only once, but stayed there for 5 hours ... blah!

9. went to Fantastic indoor flee market (my sister's idea).

10. went christmas shopping at Best Buy and frys (I should have bought Napoleon Dynomite at Frys when I had the chance).

11. saw a movie -- the incredibles -- much better than I expected. [side note: why do they make cartoon women look hot?].

12. rented the movie Collateral four days ago but just watched it last night.

13. I've had some necessary but good, healing time in prayer, reading, confession and learning to hold on to truth.

In honor of DR -- One of my favorites

There's somethin' happenin' here.
What it is ain't exactly clear.
There's a man with a gun over there
A-tellin' me I've got to beware.

I think it's time we stop.
Children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down.

There's battle lines bein' drawn.
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong.
Young people speakin' their minds
A-gettin' so much resistance from behind.

I think it's time we stop.
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down.

What a field day for the heat.
A thousand people in the street
Singin' songs and a-carryin' signs
Mostly sayin' hooray for our side.

It's time we stop.
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down.

Paranoia strikes deep.
Into your life it will creep.
It starts when you're always afraid.
Step out of line, the men come and take you away.

You better stop.
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin'..
You better stop.
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin'..
You better stop.
Now, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin'..
You better stop.
Children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin

Upon further review

An ode to the Relyea's family member

You are round
You are brown

You snort
You fart
You smell

You breath heavy
You have bad breathe

You are a dominatrix
You are sensitive to the touch

You have no one to blame but yourself

You have comsumed too many nibbles and bits

You fat chihuhua ... it is all your fault

Lay off them damn treats!

"Tina, you fat lard... you haven't done anything all day."

Movements

I've been having movements lately. Pushing forward and doing my best to leave certain things behind.

I'm planing to keep pressing forward in faith that it is the right thing to do.

More is to come ...

That day

The day my father died I took my car for its smog test.

Not a usual thing to do, eh? I mean, doesn't it seem odd that the day my father dies, I go out and get my car smogged?

That day has been seared into my brain. My father's death was burdening and liberating, but no less painful.

I'm thankful I smogged my car that day, it spoke of my freedom.

I'm sorrowful that I smogged my car that day, it cost my father his life.

My friend, Greg went with me to smog my car that day.

I don't remember all of our concersation, but I remember being with him.
I remember feeling both of our awkwardness.
I remember feeling his love.
I remember feeling his compassion.
I remember feeling his pain for me.
I remember feeling his friendship.

I speak to all of you who read this. Please, identify those people in your life who are in need. Those people who are in greater need than you are today. Give those people the freedom to do what they are called to do.

Liberate those people who need to get their cars smogged.
Liberate those people who need to walk their dogs.
Liberate those people who need to make a meal.
Liberate those people who need to do what it is they need to do.

Greg, thank you.

Love, Ramon

Its been a while

I have so much to say.

Right now I am listening to Boston (More than a feeling) on luanch cast.

I need to Apologize to my freind Debbie. She emailed me last week and I haven't emailed her back. Debbie, I'm sorry.

It has not been my intention to igonore my friends or my blog, but work has been bruttal. There was a two week period where my boss was out (his wife has his baby). While he was at home acclamating to Daddy life, we (kelly 'my co-worker and friend' and me) were holding down the fort. We worked 10, 11, 12, 13 hour days. Lots of fun, lots of headaches. Overall, it was good and very hard.

Tonight, we are still at work. Its another late night. That sucks.

* Went to the doctors two weeks ago. I had been having these weird pains in my chest, stomach, side and my back (on the left side). I thought of all the possibilities of what it could have been: heart attack, cancer, fungus, whatever else came to mind.

The doc believes it is my gall bladder. I'm still waiting to have my ultra sound. Doc's office and insurance suck.

* This past weekend was hard...it was my 10 year high school reunion. Maryann and I enjoyed oursleves. I'm very sad that I won't see these people for a long time. Believe it or not, I really miss these people and quazi community I had with them. I pray for them. I miss them. I am sad.

* in 4 days it will be my father's 4 month anniversary of being dead/alive. On his 3 month anniversary, I bought 2 cigars, and two bottles of water. I sat with my dad at his gravesite and smoked the cigars and shared my bottles of water with him. I smoked both cigars and talked with my dad. I miss him. I feel all the more sad when I remember him in his illness. Thinking of him in his illness leaves me feeling empty. The emptiness hurts. When I think of my father being in heaven, I don't feel as sad.

When my father was sick, he used to lay on the couch. He couldn't do anything else. Would it have killed me to not have gone to work any one of those days? I miss him. I cry.

It is true that I did alot for him and for my mother and for myself. But in all that, it wasn't enough. Gosh, I wan't to spend more time with him. It's so not fair.

I need to go sit with him again and talk and smoke. Maybe we both need a drink. Well, at least I know I do for sure. I really doubt he does.

Darren

I went out of town this Labor Day weekend. And while I was gone, Darren visited with my mother.

He didn't ask me if it was okay, he didn't announce it to me, he just went and hung with her. He was her friend. And brining nibbles (his over-weight, extremely large Chihuahua) helped spark some conversation, I'm sure :-)

Thanks, Darren.

Love,

Ramon

The American Attitude Within Us

What I am going to say will piss some people off. Some people will be offended, others will be hurt. I am not writing to piss people off, nor am I wanting to offend -- but ultimately and unfortunately -- I will cause hurt.

My purpose is to express my anger and to let my community know how I feel. But foremost, to shed light on the last year of my life, and my school of thought(s).

Here we go:

My mother and I were talking this morning about my father. Its always an interesting subject when we talk about him. Conversation about him are usually filled with sighs of relief, laughter, acknowledgement of pain and a sense of honorable duty (aka love).

During the last 6 months of my father's earthly life, my mother and I were bombarded with people's opinions on what to do with him. A prevalent attitude went something like this: "you can't keep going like this...you need to consider hospice." Others would say "we're here for you", but then they would never show up. Some stood by our side and served us with sadness and joy in their hearts (just as we are all called to do).

The issue I most want to address today is the prevailing American Attitude Within Us on hospice. I've come to learn that most people see hospice as a first resort when dealing with a terminal condition. At the outset, I want people to know that I am not against hospice. I understand the wonderful acts of mercy that they show and for that I appreciate hospice.

However, I do have anger, but my anger is not toward hospice. Rather, it is toward the American Attitude Within Us about hospice. The attitude that sees hospice as the first and only option. The attitude that CHOOSES not consider other available options. Admittedly, these other options come at a great sacrifice to those who choose them.

When my mom and I speak of my father and people's attitudes toward him and his care takers --namely my mother and I -- all in the guise of "consider your own sanity", I become very angry. I come to the point of having no other words on my venomous tongue than "Fuck that....what a fucking selfish attitude....that's a bunch of shit!"

Those words are the expression of my anger. I apologize for them and at the same time, make no apologies for them.

I don't understand why the American attitude is so bent on only seeing the option of hospice as being the only option. I believe that American's DO realize that there are other options out there. Options such as taking on the burdening task of being the care taker; or pleading with their community for help in a variety of ways. But these "other" options are mere fleeting thoughts, disipitating into the recesses of their minds. So, the only option available to them is hospice.

For those who see hospice as the first and only available option, my soul hurts for you. It hurts because those typically are the people who CHOOSE to not leave their well padded, well cushioned lives.

Those not wanting to leave their well padded, well cushioned life are the ones I primarily address these words to. These people share a similar ideology as those who on numerous occasions challenged us to consider hospice.

The challenge set before us always came packaged so nice and neat. The package had a pretty ribbon bow on top, and glittery wrapping paper hiding the ugliness of the package that lay inside. The package always centered around the idea of "considering Felix's condition and considering our own sanity."

Many of you wonder why that was such a bad thing to advise or why do you (Ramon) take such offense at that suggestion?

Very simply put, my father was not dead yet. There was fight in his eyes. His soul spoke to us through his eyes, through his grunts and through his complete being that he was still very much alive. He was not dead yet. He was still alive.

Had we wanted to abandoned my father, the quickest and surest thing that would have killed him, would have been to place him in hospice. And when people, who all had good intention, came around offering their pretty shiny present, they did nothing more than frustrate us and complicate the issue.

Offering us their pretty package of advice, unbeknownst to them, is similar to David offering Uriah a place to lay his head while his men fought on the battle field. Like Uriah, we too declined the offer of laying our head. Had we laid our head for one moment, we would have abandoned my father in spirit and ultimately would have killed him.

I implore you to not mistake my words as a straight and complete comparison between David's sinister act to those people who offered us their shiny, pretty package. On the contrary, these people were most likely good hearted in their attempts to "alleviate" our pain. But had we followed the terms to alleviate our own pain, we would have done nothing more than heap coals on my father's head. To alleviate our pain would have resulted in causing my father's death.

Yes, it its true that my father is dead momentarily, and his death was an inevitable end. Just like my father, we will all have our end and make the transition, finally seeing the full Kingdom that we only partially see now.

So, since my father is dead, some may wonder what the difference is...he is dead. What's the big deal on hospice. Whether he was in hospice or not, he was still going to die.

The deal on hospice for us is "abandonment". How selfish of us it would have been to have abandoned my father in the name of "our own sanity." My father was unable to abandon his call, so why should have we?

I am sure I have confused some of you readers; others I have offended. Many of you are friends, some are acquaintances and others are distant family. If I have confused you, I apologize for that. I have hurt you, I too apologize for that.

One thing I ask, please do not leave this reading without any recourse. Please feel free to post your thoughts and comments.

With full confidence and love,

Ramon

Etta James

"At last" I have found time to reinsert the blog links to my friend's blogs. I apologize for their temporary deletion. When I changed blog templates, all custom template changed were deleted.

I have been fortunate to hang out with many of these days. I eagerly await to hang out with many more of you. I think a lot about you guys and gals. I can say that emotions does run through me that cause joy and tears of joy to manifest themselves within me.

I really, really appreciate all of you. I wish I could see you all more often. I wish I could spend more intimate time with you all more often.

This weekend

This weekend was a good and hard weekend. I spent much of my time with people at Neil T. Anderson's conference: Freedom in Christ (Counseling Discipleship).

I had some great interaction with Chris, Debbie and Neil. What a blessing and an honor to be with all three.

I was so encourage by Debbie. It was so nice to have someone identify and join me in mutual emotions on various issues. She also served us well by leading us into singing to Father. I love you, Debbie.

I was so encourage by Chris. We listened intently on what Neil was saying. We laughed, but we didn't cry :-) Chris and I had lunch together, that was fun. I love you, Chris.

I was so encouraged by Neil as well. Father blessed me with a desire of my heart to meet Neil. The entire weekend, I believe, was totally a God thing. Everything happened that needed to happened or so at least it seemed. I love you too, Neil.

Long Days

Its 3:02 a.m. and I am still at work. I will be here till 4 a.m. and then back at 5:45 a.m.. Why go home? Exactly!

Tomorrow morning is going to suck even worse. Get up at 2 a.m. and test. Fun schedule. But its not that bad. I work with fun people.

The only unfortuante part is that my mom is at home all alone. Since my dad died, she doesn't like to be at home alone.

I have been sitting in this chair for 18 hours, periodically getting up mind you. My butt hurts. You think the extra cushion I have [that's a euphamism for I'm fat] would help out, but on the contrary, my butt almost feels rash. I think I may know how my father must have felt being confined in bed for many, many months. My poor dad used to get lots of rashes on his touche and his back. I love him, miss him and feel sorry for him. I have pitty for him

I miss you appa.

Love,

Ramon

Spiffers is gone

Sometime ago I imagined my father in heaven minding his own business when all of the sudden spiffers came along side my father. In my thoughts, I envisioned my father scooping up the doggy into his arms and holding him tight. I see the dog happy, with his mouth open and his tongue partially hanging out. The dog is happy. My father is happy.

In honor of spiffer ... an ode I give:

You came to us unwanted, you had no where to live
Your previous owners abandoned you, we took you in

From day one you took ownership of the house, peeing was your game
The corners of the carpet were no longer the same

You pranced and strutted around, strutting your youthful appearance
Jinglin', jinglin' from both the collar in the front and your manhood in the back

You were an aggressive teen, one who loved the ladies and disliked the men
The day came when you bit your owner in the face and so that became your demise

A few days latter you encountered your new self

A jinglin', jinglin' was now merely from the front, your manhood became a memory, a story of disgrace

You have departed from our presence, hopefully to soon be seen again
Your death was not natural, we submitted your forcefully into the bitter end

We dug a hole in that back yard deep enough to keep you from becoming food
we stood around your grave thinking of you

We search for a box but none could be found
we settle for a plastic bin which keeps you in the ground

We said a prayer of thankfulness and hope
that one day soon we should soon hear you again

But until that day, we will for now just think of you, our dear ol' sweet, crotchety friend

Life in the past month

So much has happened...that seems to be an understatement.

It's 7:40 p.m., it's a Friday and I am at work. This has been typical...the scenario has been the same over the last week and will only become a permanent facect for a while.

My Father died 38 days ago. I long for him. In my head, I vividly remember seeing him on his death bed. He looked peaceful -- full of life and completely devoid of life. I remember patting him on the check with my hand in hopes of waking him up. "Dad, dad, dad, wake up" I passed to him. His check absorbed the patting of my hand. His head moved slightly. "He gone, Ramon, he's gone" my mother said. I miss him.

What I get and what I don't get: my father is heaven...and I believe that. He's happy, but we hurt. We're supposed to be happy because he is in heaven, but we are supposed to be sad because he is not here. These are things that I get and don't get.

I identify with the woman who cried at Jesus' feet...why did my brother have to go...but I understand he will be resurrected. Jesus responds, "he will be resurrected." And so it was, Lazarus was resurrected.

During my father's funeral I intimately wished that God would raise my dad from the dead. The events ran through my mind: God could raise my father from the dead. My father would sit up in his casket. People all around would gasp. People would cry. We all would cry. I would cry. Utter amazement would over come us all. Some how news crews would get wind of the mighty resurrection and pounce onto scence at the funeral. Local anchormen and woman would interview my family and me. But, for my father's safety, we would prohibit interviews with my father. 3 days after my father had been resurrected, we would be on Larry King live. He would ask us, "why do you not allow people to interview your father, the resurrected one?" We/I would respond, it is best for him that way. A day later, the tabloids, in huge letters would print: "Resurrected man dies." And the circus would all be over.

On another note: I now have a girlfriend...what a weird but delightful thing.

Dear Family and Friends:

I write to inform you of my father's passing. On June 15, 2004, at 4 a.m.,
with my mother at his side, he took his last breath.

Funeral arrangements are:

The Viewing
June 21, 2004 (Monday)
Family hours: Noon - 1 p.m.
General hours: 1 p.m. - 7 p.m.

The Funeral (Tuesday)
June 22, 2004
Service: 1 p.m.
Grave-side service: 2:30 p.m.

Both the viewing and the funeral will be held at Bunkers Mortuary, 925 Las
Vegas Blvd. N. (across the street from Cashman field). In lieu of flowers,
my family would appreciate donations to off-set funeral costs.

For individuals needing a place to stay, my place of employment (VEGAS.com)
has been kind enough to provide people with great rates for Sunday, Monday
and Tuesday. The hotel is called Emerald Quarter Suites (4777 Cameron Dr.)
Please call 888-719-4040 and tell the travel service agent that you are with
Felix Avendano's funeral. The discount rate is $29.95 per night per room.

Phone calls and visits are welcomed. Phone calls can be made directly to my
cell at 580-6919. Visits are welcomed at my parent's home, 6222 Foothill
Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89118. However, with that said, please call first :-)

We thank you all for you care, affection, thoughts and prayers.

With Love,

Ramon (on behalf of the Avendano Family)

Roommate wanted immediately -- can you help out a brutha'

We have an availability at my rental home. The roommates who currently live
there are looking for a roommate to fill the vacant room.

Specs on the room we are renting:

* Room size: 10 ft. X 11
* Close proximity to the hall bathroom
* Wall color of the room is a light gray (incoming person can paint it if
they'd like)
* Nice size closet


Some info about the house:

* 1650 sq. ft. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath.
* 2 living rooms
* 2 car garage
* Front yard
* Backyard has a Huge pool and decent size grass area
* Approximately 2 miles from UNLV
* The home address is 3077 Aldon Ave., Las Vegas, NV 89121


There are a few things we're looking for in a roommate:

* Preferably a guy, but a girl roommate may be considered.
* Has a legal source of income
* Should be able to get along with other people
* Pet's may be welcomed -- all depends on the pet

Rent:

* $275 + utilities (we may be able to work with the person on the rent cost
if need be)


Please call Ramon at 580-6919 or the house at 433-9952 if interested. If you
ain't interested but know someone, please tell them about this availability.

Thanks!

Ramon

FYI: I own the home and rent it out my friends, so I don't actually live
there.

Ineffective: Where's the local NAACP chapter, black?

I was watching a VH1 program on the band OUTKAST. After some airtime past, the program cut away to commercials.

Suddenly, a "black" guy appears on my screen. He's decked out in an "urban" ensemble - baggy white t-shirt, baggy blue jeans, a pair of name brand sneakers, a turned-sideways hat and next to his pearly whites he dawned a gold tooth.

Him being "black" and wearing his "urban" ensemble bothered me greatly...

...appearntly, VH1's advertising department found it okay for a Bails bond company to hype and glamourize their "product" via this "black" guy and his "urban-ness".

As this "black" guy touted the services of this bail bond company, I thought "how ineffective, how stupid and how sad." But the really cool thing that soothed my soul and made things better was the closing line ... "Se habla espanol".

Here's to companies that make money off stereo types and diversity!

Sounds. Memories.

I started listening to Sigur Ros again -- Agaetis Byrjun. The song after the intro is called Svefn g englar.

As I listened to this song today while at work it conjured up the idea of sirens (yes, like TI sirens -- without all the sexual crap). The next thought that came was me standing at the top of a huge cliff in Mexico. Looking down toward the ocean, I saw rocks, water and sea lions.

The memory was of a family trip I took with my mom and dad a long time ago.

Both the memory and the song are beautifully sad. It reminds me of my father because he was there on the trip, he took us there. How I miss the way my father was. How I will miss him when he is no longer in this world. I miss him already. I miss him and I love him. With all his faults he was and is and will always be a good man.

I cry for him. I cry for me.

See Tommy

I saw Tommy Peterson Today. Seeing him made my day. It was good to see you, man.

Thank you, Father.

Ramon

Perfect English

There came a time in my life where I began to resent my parents for not speaking "perfect english". Along with that, I realized that the real problem layed with me. My lack of pactience was the true culprit.

The Palmers

I'm indebted to the Palmer's. What Father provided them with (close knit community, love, suffering) he too has provided for us. I'm thankful, Mark never seemed to hold back the reality of their situation.

Community

Last week Father brought together our community at my parent's home. We first met up at the Stoddards and then headed over to my parents for time of loving each other and praying for one another.

Indebted

There are SO MANY PEOPLE who need to be thanked individually and as a whole. My family and I are indebted to all of our brothers and sisters who continue to stand with us, and bear through this time of pain and transition. You all deserve to mentioned by name, but I'm sure many of you rather me keep your names silent. May you all be honored for your love. May His Kingdom come.

Instead of mentioning your names, I will mention your beautiful deeds (in no particular order):

Monday night Dinners

Wednesday night Dinners

Prayers and Afirmation

Home retrofitting

Being showered with spontaneous groceries

Assitance in filling out medicaid application

Picking up and dropping off prescriptions

Hanging out with my Dad

Offers of money

Helping my mom take my dad to doctors appoinments

Running errands

Offering a place to stay for visiting family to stay in

Mouring with my family

Rejoicing with my family

The list goes on ... I know I am forgetting somethings.

Happy

I'm filled with tears because there's help. I'm happy.

The state of an offering

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane poured out his heart to Father.

Paul in Philippians writes that he himself is being poured out as a fragrant offering.

My dad has entered his Garden of Gethsemane. He is being poured out like a fragrant offering.

5:30 in the morn'

I was supposed to be at work at 4:30 a.m., but at 4:23 my boss calls and says "the network guys are delayed, so just come in about 5 am."

Since I had a few minutes to spare I talked to my parents for a little and then sat in the recliner with a cup of coffee, closed my eyes and meditated for a while. Re-read some of Paul's stuff. I really appreciate his "no confidence in the flesh" memorandum. And furthermore, I appreciate the depth that he delves into in regards to "wanting to know Christ and the POWER of his resurrection." But he doesn't stop there. He continues with wanting, hoping, desiring to "share with Christ in his suffering" to the point of becoming like Christ in his death. Paul has the idea that all of what he wants from Christ in not vain, but rather, there is a major purpose. He sees all of this to his benefit, providing him with the ability to "attain to the resurrection from the dead." That's some really cool and powerful stuff.

Co-workers

My co-worker Jason just peeked his head out of his cube and says "Erik reports that you farted yesterday." I replied with "you missed the show, man." Wow! What a show it was. For most guys and a few girls, there is just something really funny about farts. Especially the ones that clear house!

Yesterday, I cleared house.

As I sat in my cube, the arby's lunch I had was -- let's just say -- it was having a gaseous affect on me. So, discreetly and not thinking much about it, I farted. A few seconds later I smell the most hideous smell. The smell was funky!

I wasn't sure what to do...I mean, I was a little embarrassed. So, my bright idea was if I walk away, the fart will follow and hopefully not bother my co-workers. I was wrong. After I came back to my cube, and a few minutes had passed, my boss (Erik) says in a inquisitive manner, "hey, um...Ramon, did you uhm....do something?" Looking at him with a raised eyebrow, I examined his face and realized I had been caught. The look on his face was priceless.

No longer able to contain myself, I burst out in laughter. But not just any old laughter. I'm talking about the gut wrenching laughter that leaves you deliriously giggly.

My poor boss. Ah...who am I kidding, it was funny!

After my boss was no longer able to take my stench anymore, he picks up a magazine and fanned the air in hopes to shew the ravenous attack. He then playfully, but slightly seriously yells "take that stuff over the developers." Still unable to contain my giggles, I walk over to the developers cube. Their first question for me was "why are you laughing?" Sharing my story, they laughed with me.

In the words of Doug Citizen, "Ah life......."

:-)

Lights Out

I sit in a dark corner. Classical music soothes my head. Blah...blah...blah.

Its Saturday and I'm at work. The lights are off because we have a developer who likes to work in the dark. He comes over to me asking "hey Ramon, is it okay if I turned the lights off?" With out missing a beat I chimed back at him "sure, why not, I leaving in a while anyways." How accomadating of me.

It is freaky but kinda nice to work in the dark. On another note....

I'm having dinner with this wonderful man tonight, his wife is coming too ;-) Actually, I'm having dinner with my buds, Erin and Darren. Maryann(e) (sp?) may come too. We are eating at the NEW Mediterranean cafe. I hear the food is the same good stuff, but not to expect to much out of the ambiance.

Met with Chris last night. That was a good time. 2 conclusions from last night. 1. I'm pretty sure I was mourning for Jesus. 2. I am terribly, utterly inept at being patient with people and having patience for myself.

As I shared with Chris it struck me. The patience he has for me I have not for myself or others.

I cried. He listened.

Sadness

I didn't know what to expect other than the hyped reports of blood and gore.

My reactions planed from one end of the sphere to the other end. I cried, I had fear, I was angry, I sat in despair, I accused; not what I expected to feel.

This morning I awoke up with sadness. The type of sadness that churns in you as you mourn the death of a person.

When I walked into work this morning, I was told by our administrator that Mike O'Callaghan died this morning of heart attack while he was at church.

I didn't know Mr. O'Callaghan personally, but I know that many people are in pain due to his departure.

My sadness this morning was for Jesus and continues on for Jesus and Mr. O'Callaghan too.

Dreams

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago. I dreamt that my friend Paul W. is moving. The dream was somber and passionate. I need to call him.

I have a dream that one day I will own many restaurants and give to the kingdom and live in the barrio or hood amongst the poor.

I want to give to the kingdom both financially and through my soul.

Ramon

I Feel like an F-ing IDIOT

Argh....

I feel like an idiot because I chewed out one of my dad's nurses. I allowed other things to affect me in a way that prompted me to treat her poorly. I should have indeed been bold with her, but not belligerent nor over the top. Dang it!

How do I make it up to her? How do I apologize? She's due an apology.

Contemplation and self-serving shameless Plug

Today is my birthday. I am 28. Well, actually, at 10:43 a.m. I will be 28.

28 is a number. I don't say that as in "please don't think I am old." Rather, 28 the number doesn't properly capture the previous years lived. The trials, the struggles, the attempts for purity, the cynicism, the torture, the unwanted feelings, the life lived, all reside behind a number.

Today is a good day....well, at least for me it is. Its not good because of the presents or cards. No...... I believe today is good because it is my birthday. I have been given the potential to live another day. I could have died last night and never made it to have seen my 28 birthday. Today is a good day.

I have alot more to say, but maybe I will wait for another day.

Do You Love your Father

I saw Big Fish this weekend.

I watched the movie with gladness and sadness in my heart. The movie, I declare, was made specially for my father and me...and the countless other father's who battle cancer and their sons.

How true did the movie ring with me.

I treat my father so bad sometimes. Typically I find that when I treat him bad is for two reasons: a) I hate the ravenous disease that eats away at him b) our roles are reversed now and I hate that.

I thought this past week was a moment of accepting my role as father/son.
I thought this past week was a moment of accepting his circumstances.

I don't think I was wrong in thinking those things. I think they remain true. The only difference is I no longer have the emotional butterflies that go along with such awareness.

I don't beat my father....but I beat him with my words.

I want to be a good son who truly cares for his father.
I want to look in my father's eyes and know that he knows that I care for him.
I want my father to look into my eyes and know that he is cared for.

Father, how can I make it up to you?
How can I bring meaning to you life.
How can I make it easy for you to call me your son.
How can I take your pain away.
How can I honor you.

"I like the movie...but it was some kind of sad--sad because he dies..." -- Felix Avendano

An ode to the Relyea's family member

You are round
You are brown

You snort
You fart
You smell

You breath heavy
You have bad breathe

You are a dominatrix
You are sensitive to the touch

You have been diagnosed with a condition
Your plumpness is not your fault

Take pride you overweight Chihuahua. Take pride.

El Fin

With a sigh of relief, I can now proclaim: "We are done".

The new apex site is up!

Major thanks goes to:

Jim Sullivan
Gregg Stokes
Kurtis Kopf

and Greg Hubbard for seeing this to its completion!

But that's who he is now

The glare
The stare
The infantilel excitement
The curiosity of whose at the door

To leap out of bed
To investigate
To no longer procrastinate

Life is different now

Your youth is a memory

For us

We recall the days of dancing
The days of excitement
The days of Joventud ---

Youthfulness is no longer manifested physically

Your stare expresses

Joy and Pain

Your time of becoming an old man came too soon.

Mine
Mis heridas No las puedo comparar Cada uno tiene suyo Pero son bien diferentes Son separados por una gran distancia El Gran Canyon no es Nada En todo su espacio No queda nuestras dolencias	My wounds I can't compare we each have them But each are are different Seperated by a great distance The Grand Canyon is nothing Even with all of its space Our hurts and pains are too enormous to fit in it.

Damn. It just ain't fair.

But...yes, yes, I know... life ain't fair.

Fairness is not what I hope for.

REDEMPTION

Last day of 2003 (for some of us)

Some of us have already rang in the new years -- primarily those people who live on the other side of the world.

I have nothing profound to say today. I say that in anticipation that no one reads my blog on this day searching for something profound. Not that I ever have much profound to say, but I do at times think that I do have profound things to say. If that sounds egotistical--sorry--it wasn't meant to be.

Food and Friendship

I had lunch with my friend Chris today. It was very nice. He has very, very blue eyes. I noticed his eye color even more today. No, I am not gay. But I do think he is a good looking man with nice eyes. Okay, maybe that does sound gay.

Last night I had dinner with my friend Alan. It was a sobering but delightful time. Alan seemed very real to me last night. Not that he is a fake other times, its just, I felt like I connected with him last night. I felt his humanness and that was nice. I too felt human. I felt normal.

Illegal Aliens

Seven of my family members from Mexico are in town. They arrived yesterday.

Yup, the stereo type of a whole family of Mexicans fitting into a car rings true with my family. All seven of them piled into a twin cab Chevy truck and made the trek from Cd. Juarez, Mexico, to Las Vegas. That's a 12-hour drive. Cd. Juarez is across the border from El Paso, Texas.

They want to hang out with me tonight. Part of me is reluctant because most likely they will want to hangout on the Strip. I like them, but the Strip sucks!

You Should shave

My Mom really knows how to get my goat. She told me jokingly this morning, "you really should shave....you look like one of them Al Queda people."

Thanks, Mom!

Life. Ramon's Life.

"My Jesus has been marred," is the thought that ran through my head last during dinner.

I think the thought is poetic. Read it again.

MY JESUS HAS BEEN MARRED.

Is Jesus really marred?

No.

Is my view of Jesus marred?

Yes.

Is there redemption for it?

Yes and No.

There were so many things that I knew about Jesus and His people. Many of those things have perished.

Most of those things need no resurrection.

Some of those things need CPR. Some need a transplant. Others need vitamins.

What I need

I need for people to ask how I am doing. I need for people to ask my dad how he is doing. I need people to ask my mom how she is doing. And then, I need you to listen. Nothing more. Maybe a prayer.

Semi-Random thoughts

Incident: During the music billboard awards a commercial came on introducing some new show along with some new actress. She was very, very skinny.

Reaction: Why does our society tout the blonde hair anorexic woman as the epitome of beauty?

I think sir mixalot makes an interesting case. Although, I don't buy into his complete message either.

Incident: I was thinking about the people at my house church.

Reaction: Those thoughts made me happy.

Thankful?

Hmm....

How is one supposed to act when attending a thanksgiving dinner where you know full well that you are handing out with a bunch of damn liars and hypocrites?

I'm pretty sure its not the way I acted last night.

Last night I hungout at a dinner party where most the people were family members of mine. There were many recognizable faces. Some were very old faces, some were mid-aged faces, some were young faces.

Then there was the semi-recognizable face. The woman who I've meet once and seen many times. The same women who is a full-blown alcoholic and who is wealthy enough that she is able to gamble 16 hours a day if she chooses. And most days, she chooses to do that.

Looking back at last night I think she was the most real person there. With maybe the exception of my father.

Last night should have went better. This morning I realized that.

This Morning

A story that Joe recently told was brought to mind. The story of Jesus hanging out with the pharisee having dinner. The same story where the prostitute cries at Jesus' feet. And then she precedes to wipe his feet with her hair.

After being reminded of the story, I re-read it. I found something interesting. I saw my situation. I saw Jesus hanging out with a bunch of damn liars and hypocrites. I saw Jesus hanging out with the full blown alcoholic and loving her. The same people Jesus hungout with I too hungout with. The same story? No!

What's the difference?

Jesus VS Ramon

Jesus reclined at the table, partaking in the conversation.

Ramon reluctantly reclined at the table, scoffing at the the Damn liars and Hypocrites.

Jesus interacted with the pharisee.

Ramon remained quiet.

Jesus called-out the pharisee on his judgmental attitude towards the prostitute.

Ramon feed his judgmental attitude all night with placards of how hypocritical and how devious these damn liars were.

Jesus allowed the prostitute to warm up to him. He allowed her to touch him. She bathed him.

Ramon, too caught up in the hypocrites and liars, missed the moments where the full-blown alcoholic women verbally expressed her life with us. She said very little, but she said enough.

Jesus would have respected his mother.

Ramon disrespected his.

Am I thankful?

My mother and I had a chat this morning. It started off with my mom sharing her feelings about the dinner party. It then went from there with me saying "mom, I'm mad at you...and here is the reason why."

She consented that what she did was hurtful.

Later today, she and I spoke again. She again apologized for hurting my feelings.

I too apologized for acting the way I acted. I reassured her that what she did wasn't that big of a deal. It really wasn't. But it was at the time because emotional things had been piling on top of one another.

We ended our conversation like this: Mom, I forgive you. But what all three of us (mom, dad and me) need is to treat each other better.

We both agreed.

So, yes, I am thankful.

To My Hubbard Family:

WOW!

¡Felicidades!

Glasses

"Mr. Avendano, we're really sorry, but uhm...your rush order that was supposed to go in 6 weeks ago didn't go in until two minutes ago."

When they call you by your last name that is when you know something just ain't right.

Here's the story

On September 6, 2003, I ordered two pair of glasses. I was told that the first pair would arrive in a week. To my surprise, the first pair arrived in three days. The second pair, I was told would arrive in two weeks. To my dismay, my rush order pair was placed 10 minutes ago.

Assuming the worse (I imagined they were expecting) they offered me a free pair of prescription sunglasses. I accepted their apology and obliged to the free pair. But now, I am feeling uneasy about accepting the free pair.

Do I really need a free pair of sunglasses to console me? No. But had they not offered me a free pair would I have been hurt and pissed that they did not go the extra mile to soothe the situation? Yes.

What to do?

I will take them....but what if I asked them to donate the cost of the sunglasses to charity, would they do so? Probably not. But I will ask.

If you see me wearing sunglasses you will then have their answer.

Apex site
Crap. Doug found the new site.

It ain't done yet, but we are almost there. So, if you by chance find the new site too, please keep in mind that it ain't done yet. Thanks!

P.S. No, I ain't giving the address to the site...like I said, it ain't done yet :-)

P.S.S. it's cool that you found it, Doug! :-)

Update

A friend told me that she had e-mailed me through one of the provided links below, but I never got the message. Hmm....

If by chance others have e-mailed me, but haven't had a response from me, please let me know.

I may have coded something wrong. So, for assurance, please copy and paste the following e-mail address:

razor7132@cox.net


Wanted

Anyone to assist my family by being a friend to my dad.

Felix Avendano is low maintenance, cost-free, and a very fun guy to be around.

He likes parks, long walks, movies, beer, food, loves people of all walks of life, and is extremely kind to babies and young kids.

If anyone is interested in hanging out with my dad, please hang with him. He would benefit much from your love, care and involvement as a friend, and I believe you too will benefit as well. I know I have!

Please send all inquiries through me. I can be contacted in person or through my cell (401-8506) or e-mail me: razor7132@cox.net.

Ramon

Blog quotes that make me laugh

The cat is on the hit list...

--Gene Reinert

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My cat just took a violent terd in the litter box and it stinks.

--Tommy Peterson

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Right now its name is X297. I gave it that name until it is born. That way i dont get to attached if anything happens.

I love my little X297.

--Tommy Peterson

I have decided to create a new blog look. My old look was just too damn scary and I was getting bored with the edgy black thing. So, I dug around for some free blog skins and found this one. I did some modifications and bingo, the new me. Blogalicious! [bolded emphasis mine]

--Gregg Stokes

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Questions. I can’t think of any. Shit!

--Andy Harshman