Sad feelings for a distant divorcee

Heard today that you are getting a divorce
Ah man, I'm so sorry, that sucks

What happened?
Did she leave you?
Did you leave her?
Did your work get to her?
Did your beliefs separate you?

Why are you going your separate ways?

Be careful who you hang out with now.
Not all people have your best interest

I feel bad for her.
I feel bad for you.

Why are you going down this road?
What lead you on this road?

Was she really that good?
What is she offering you that you don't got?
Are the rumors true?

What will happen when the illusion fades and you find your self in the same place?

Will there be a next?

Satisfaction

Its good to be satisfied. In all the extremes of life, satisfaction can be that even keel attitude and, or position.

I am satisfied now. I am not satisfied because things are easy. Rather, things are very difficult right now. I...we, my wife and I are satisfied and content right now.

We approach our current circumstances with confidence and hope and faith. We do have the occasional 'life sucks' moments but we are satisfied.

God is good. There is no denying that. Accepting that idea and purpose that God is good does satisfy.

We are satisfied in knowing that God is taking us places we would not chose or want, per say, but we are satisfied that we are in his Kingdom and his kingdom is in us. We are active participants in this life he has given us. We pursue him now and forever, may we never relent this endeavor.

This Friday, MaryAnn goes in for a lumbar puncture. This is the second test of many more to confirm what her doctor believes to be Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Her doctor wants to look for indicators of MS and to measure the amount of pressure that her spinal fluid may be exerting on her spinal column and brain. This may explain the many nagging headaches she suffers from.

Two weeks ago, an MRI showed two long-standing lesions on her brain. According to the neurologist, this is indicative of MS. The interesting thing about MS is that there is no 'one' test that says for sure that you have it. Rather, it is time spent ruling out other issues that might be causing her many symptoms.

This has been a fairly big ordeal. And I am quite proud of my wife in the way she has been handling it. She satisfies me in so many ways.

Freakin' Frog

There's a -- bar/'whiskey attic'/private area for members only/ stage -- down by UNLV called Freakin Frog. It's an interesting establishment, there definately much of 'everything' here.

Its has some profound hints of DoubleDown -- if you never been, you gotta try it at least once, its in the froot-loop district. The atmosphore like the double down is dark, only iluminated by lights on the walls. The bar itself, much different than double down, is juxtapostion by a mini-kitchen immediately behind the bar and open to public view. The kind of kitchen view where when the bartender/cook picks his nose, his arse or readjusts himself, you catch the full show. Glad out food was fried, at least that way the germs would have been ahnialated by the grease.

There are two 100" screens on two seperate walls playing movies back-to-back. It the same movies on two screens but a new movie come on after the previous one ends. The odd thing though, while there are movies on the wall, there is no sound. Rather, instead of sound from the movie, there are captions at the bottom of each screen. The only sounds is pumping through the speakers. My assumption is an internet juke box.

There is so much more to describe but I'm tired and want to go back to surfing the internets.

Oh...and the reason for all this explanation, MaryAnn and I bought new laptops and this was the only place that we could find that has FREE wifi.

And one other thing, the bartender/cook didn't actually touch himself, but it still has that kind of view!

I must love her

I was thinking today that if I should ever die before my wife, how much I would want to spare my wife any pain caused by my departing, even to the point of begging God to tell her that I was in heaven and that I was okay.

Thinking about this stirred in me great emotion. I would want to earnestly save her from that pain.

I think I now what it feels like to love her.

I know what I write about above can be misconstrued. Often my love or attempt of love has been rooted in 1 Corinthians 13:4-10. I make no apologies for that, but rather, now, I think a sense of what it is too feel love has taken hold.

I'm Back.

"Damn you Triple George, Damn you and your sourdough bread."

--Ramon Avendano

All it took was one sit down meal and two loaves of sourdough bread and my eating plan was shot.

7 months ago, give or take a few days, I ate lunch at Triple George. Since that day, I have barely worked out, have been extremely inconsistent with my eating plan and have gained 5 pounds.

"I hate you, Triple George. I hate you and your sourdough bread. Truth be told, your bread ain't even that good."

-- Ramon Avendano

Now that I have recused myself from Triple George, I am here to publicly state that I am back on my eating plan and exercising consistently.

Here's one obstacle though, I know myself -- I am a good starter of things, but fail to maintain them over the long haul.

I really want to do better. And in the words of Dana Owens (aka Queen Latifa), I want to be "one size healthier."

But even more that one size healthier, my once goal of being 30 pounds lighter has crept up now to being 50 pounds lighter.

I need help. You can pray for me, if you'd like. Oh, and feel free to periodically check out my daily plate profile:

http://www.thedailyplate.com/diary/who/razor7132

... and yes, you can ask me about my progress.

Enjoy!

I love the song. And the video is still one of the best ever!

Work

I have never been a fan of talking about work online. Previously, when I worked at VEGAS.com, I specifically stayed away from chatting about the musing of day-to-day things, primarily because when you work for an internet company, everybody tends to know what you say online. It was just part of the culture.

Now that I work for the county and am a Public Employee, I am even more cautious as to not write about day-to-day things. I have nothing bad or slanderous or juicy to say, but since I have always heard of people being fired due to exposing some company secret that got out onto a personal blog, I figure it is best practice to mind one's p's and q's about work online.

I say all this because I have friends wishing to work for the county and tend to struggle in following through with the application (it is quite lengthy) or think they shouldn’t apply because they might not qualify or think they will never get in because they have no connections.

From personal experience, I offer the following bits of advice and encouragement.

It is true, as in all of life, it helps to know some one. Knowing someone, however, doesn't necessarily mean to have 'juice'. Rather, do you know someone? Really, anyone, for that matter will do. If you know someone, even if briefly, and you strike upon them that you are a good, hardworking person, who is cordial and willing to bust your hump when called to do so, then you have a foot in the door. And the more people 'you know' and the more people who 'know you', all the better.

Now, do understand that you must be qualified for which ever position you apply for. But that should not limit you in applying for positions that you are partially qualified for. Even if you have even the smallest experience with a position, apply for it.

In regards to the online application, here are things to keep in mind:

* The key is to provide as much relevant data to pass the first round which is the scrutiny of HR. After that, your application would go to the actual department that is hiring.

* There are two parts to all county applications: the application itself and then the supplemental questions (most positions have supplementals).

* For the application and the supplemental questions, look at the job description and break it apart into quantifiable sections/categories.

* Regarding each section/category, write down all experiences you have from classes and/or other working positions. There is no need to down-grade your experience by annotating that your experience comes from classes. You need to ‘up-yourself’ by adding that you have taken such classes. In other words, don't think or say, "I only have classroom experience." If there is something that you did in class that matches the section/category, you say so on the app or the supplemental questions.

* Use appropriate profession-jargon under the appropriate areas. Where jargon is not needed, don't put it.

* Pay close attention to the language that is used in describing the position you are applying for. Be sure to mirror the same language in your application appropriately.

* Finally, above all else, be honest! Lying will not help you get and maintain a job. what is said as a blatant falsehood is “open scandal in heaven”. And because of that, the truth will come out.

I’m sure there are a lot of other pointers out there on how to successfully apply for a county job, but this all I can think of at the moment.

A clever way to express observation. Next up, introspection.

So Much ...

Life has been a whirlwind tale of ups and downs, no different than any other person's life. But I suppose that the greatest difference is that it is my life and, my life alone to live. All responsibilities in my life are on my shoulders. However, that does not exclude the acceptance of asking for and receiving help from others.

The last four months have gone by so fast. I remember as kid I used to dislike the thrall of slow days, supposing that I would never reach a certain age, do certain things. But how great was it to revel in placid, long days. Most of my days as a kid were just that way.

MaryAnn and I have put our house up for rent. We are currently residing with my mom, although these days I just call her mom as opposed of the possessive "my mom". Being married has done that to me. Even though I have siblings who are much older than me, I have always referred to my mother as "my mom". It interesting though, because these days I refer to her in third person as "mom". I do so purposefully as a means of including MaryAnn into to the family dynamics, I don't want her to ever feel like she is excluded. But then again, I don't think I could ever make her feel excluded from the Avendano family, her and mom have a very good relationship -- it is a true mother, daughter friendship.

About six months ago mom got really sick. She had an infection in her kidney that became septic. It was a huge deal since it caused her two have two seizures and other related issues. Mom only has one kidney, the other was removed about 15 years ago after being diagnosed with a malignant tumor. Doctors removed her kidney along with a six and a half pound tumor.

Since mom's health has been up and down, but progressively up, MaryAnn and I decided to move in with her. Our utmost intention is to remodel and add an addition to her house, increasing square footage to 1700. We want to do this soon, but due to the sub prime mortgage crisis, lenders are weary in doling out loans to people who don't have a financial vested interest in a property. In order to qualify for a loan, we need to live in the residence for six months and then file a loan application.

Making mom's residence our new home has been exhausting. So much work has gone into down-sizing her belongings. Initially it was a battle to convince her of getting rid of many items. Part of the issue is that many of her belongings have a huge sentimental value, especially those items that remind her of my father or sister. The good news is we have made tremendous progress in this effort. We have not done it alone though. We've had the help of a family friend name Ines. She really is a blessing. Aside from mom's stuff was our own stuff to mull through. For the most part it is quite easy, I have no problem in saying "throw it away." And the good thing with that is MaryAnn tends to be in agreement.

Overall, all three of us are content in our situation. We happy and hopeful for the future. All we need to do now is relearn how to slow down, relax and recharge.