LIFE

"Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home"

-- Madonna

These are the thoughts that ran through my head early one morning not too long ago. I found some comfort and solace in it. But my Christian upbringing say's "don't listen to what she says -- its the work of the devil...."

Quite frankly, I don't want to care much for some of the things that I have been taught.

I have been taught that "a Christian does this or a Christian does that...." I get so angry with the crap that I believe at times.

The things that my culture tells me about Christ and who he is just plain freakin' wrong at times. And then at other times it is completely right.

But here's the kicker...I think I am more mad at myself for being to sheepish, to afraid or just plain gluttonous with my thoughts.

Why the heck do I believe the lies that I believe? What not take the same energy and time and dedicate myself to believing in the truth?

For the last six months or so, I have had the following thought run through my head "if Drew Carey can find mental peace with who he is and can come to enjoy life and enjoy himself, why can't I?"

That probably makes no sense to any of you -- so I will try and explain. And after I explain and it still doesn't make sense, well then, maybe one day I can better explain it in person.

Here I go:

One day I heard about this dramatic story of how Drew Carey found healing from severe depression (Just for the record, i don't think I suffer from severe depression. I may, however, suffer with a mild to a medium case of depression -- who knows!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?).

Anywho, the story I heard on TV was all about how Drew Carey found solace and contentment in life through self-help books. Apparently, Drew Carey became a healed man! Whoopi freakin' do! You go boy!

Okay, aside from my sarcasm, I did eventually come to a point where I questioned "how" Drew Carey found healing. Drew Carey found healing through self help books. He found healing by thinking better thoughts about himself. He found healing by believing he was a better man. He found healing by believing that his belief was a good belief which lead him to believe that his belief would work for him.

What's my point? Here, we have a man who believed himself to health. For all I know, he could be believing that ... it doesn't matter what he believes. What matters is that he had the ability to believe.

I believe in Jesus. I do my best to live for Jesus. I am probably harder on myself than Jesus is on my me. Apparently, Jesus has a better understanding of a thing called "Grace". And Ramon has very little understanding of "Grace".

Belief is a big thing. And although I don't care what Drew Carey believes -- I really do care what he believes. I care because what he believed ain't Jesus. Maybe it is and I have no clue what I am talking about.

But the fact of the matter is, Drew Carey had the ability to believe in something.

Jesus, whom I believe in is more powerful than what Drew Carey believes in. Unless, of course, he believes in Jesus. Then, who knows what happens from there, maybe the two cancel each other out. BLAH!!!!!!!

Drew Carey is a better man than I am. Not because of his riches or his fame, but because he evidently has the ability to believe. Unless he is just faking it. And if he is faking it then I am the better man because I am trying to believe.