Hmm...

About-face. A military term used to signal direction to another person. My life these few months have been nothing but 'about-faces'. In the last months I have recklessly expressed my opinion freely and casually to those whom have upset me. This has only led me to apologize to them. Not all of them, however. I mean, eventually I have apologized to all of them but some of them has taken me a few days to get around to apologizing to them.

I have found myself more insulted and pissed-off lately. I have a friend who thinks pissed-off is a bad word, so she uses vexed. Vexed-off doesn't have the same connotation. I want to use pissed-off cause it connotates and denotates exactly what I mean and feel! I could, I suppose, in an attempt to not sound so brash, say in a delightful manner that I am pissed off. How would that sound? Yippee..."I’m pissed off"...hooray! But to say it in such a manner would not express my true emotions. Plus, ‘delightful pissiness’ is better saved for characters like those in Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory. There was some serious 'delightful pissiness' in that movie. Don't recall exactly where in the movie it happens, but if it were to happen in any movie, than it would be that one.

I have been angry lately and easily offended. Offended enough to tell the person who is offending me that they are doing so. But really, in truth, I'm not really telling them that they are offending me. Rather, I convey my offense to them by quipping some hurtful or tasteless, but morsful words at them. Sometimes, I resound back very non-threatening but direct words. Such as "don't contact me, I'll contact you...." Other times, I'm pretty damn insulting, and at the time, it feels good. And even in the heat of the moment of giving a verbal middle finger without actually using verbs that denotate and connotate my feelings, I know it is wrong. Now, I don't think I am willfully engaging in licentious behavior, altough, I do know, I have made choices to speak my offensive mind. Particularly when I can rationalize my behavior with "I was pissed-off and they hurt my feelings...." But then comes the counter point: were you loving your neighbor? Sure...I suppose so...damn it, I guess not. !@#$$ ... this sucks. Then follows another counter point: "was that truth in love?" Probably not, I reason. And then follows a third counter point: "were you really patient? Were you kind? Did you refrain from boastfulness? Were you long suffering? Did you refrain from rudeness? Were you prideful? And on and on....

Lately, seldom have I had 'about face' moments. Lately, I have reveled in untruths. Lately, I have become easily angered. Lately, I have not suffered for the cause of righteousness. Lately, I have not been honest with people and politely tell them how they are affecting me.

Prayer -- Reposting of an email

Hello All -

MaryAnn and I will be holding a time of prayer at our home for the Stokes and some other needs in our community. Please feel free to join us tomorrow evening (10/17) at 7 p.m. We plan on opening a time of prayer around 7:15 and going till 8, or whenever we feel led to stop.

In addition to praying for the Stokes, we would like to pray for our brothers in Iraq and their families. Also, JV recently sent out an urgent message requesting prayer for the fellowship of believers in India. They are being persecuted by local officials, who have threaten violence through a mob and are spreading false, malicious lies about the fellowship.

Feel free to bring specific things to pray for that may be near to your heart and/or to our community.

Please email me for directions. (razor7132 at gmail.com)

Thanks.

--Ramon and MaryAnn