Apex site
Crap. Doug found the new site.

It ain't done yet, but we are almost there. So, if you by chance find the new site too, please keep in mind that it ain't done yet. Thanks!

P.S. No, I ain't giving the address to the site...like I said, it ain't done yet :-)

P.S.S. it's cool that you found it, Doug! :-)

Update

A friend told me that she had e-mailed me through one of the provided links below, but I never got the message. Hmm....

If by chance others have e-mailed me, but haven't had a response from me, please let me know.

I may have coded something wrong. So, for assurance, please copy and paste the following e-mail address:

razor7132@cox.net


Wanted

Anyone to assist my family by being a friend to my dad.

Felix Avendano is low maintenance, cost-free, and a very fun guy to be around.

He likes parks, long walks, movies, beer, food, loves people of all walks of life, and is extremely kind to babies and young kids.

If anyone is interested in hanging out with my dad, please hang with him. He would benefit much from your love, care and involvement as a friend, and I believe you too will benefit as well. I know I have!

Please send all inquiries through me. I can be contacted in person or through my cell (401-8506) or e-mail me: razor7132@cox.net.

Ramon

Blog quotes that make me laugh

The cat is on the hit list...

--Gene Reinert

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My cat just took a violent terd in the litter box and it stinks.

--Tommy Peterson

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Right now its name is X297. I gave it that name until it is born. That way i dont get to attached if anything happens.

I love my little X297.

--Tommy Peterson

I have decided to create a new blog look. My old look was just too damn scary and I was getting bored with the edgy black thing. So, I dug around for some free blog skins and found this one. I did some modifications and bingo, the new me. Blogalicious! [bolded emphasis mine]

--Gregg Stokes

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Questions. I can’t think of any. Shit!

--Andy Harshman

Hurt. Hatred.

Why can't I just accept you as you are?

The glazed look in your eyes remind me of what has been stolen. The confused look tells me what remains. The childish glances hurt me and give me hope.

What remains stirs up hate—hate for the culprit who has robbed you. I know many times I lash out at that thief, but in the process I end up hurting you.

Pops, I'm sorry for hurting you. I forget that it’s not your fault. I forget that it is not you who are responsible for your condition. Forgive me for misdirecting my anger.

Los Juanes
A Dios Le Pido

These lyrics sum of my life at this moment:


Que mis ojos se despierten con la luz de tu mirada yo
a Dios le pido

Que mi madre no se muera y que mi padre me recuerde
a Dios le pido

Que te quedes a mi lado y que mas nunca te me vayas mi vida
a Dios le pido

Que mi alma no descanse cuando de amarte se trate mi cielo
a Dios le pido


Por los días que me quedan y las noches que aún no llegan yo
a Dios le pido

Por los hijos de mis hijos y los hijos de tus hijos
a Dios le pido

Que mi pueblo no derrame tanta sangre y se levante mi gente
a Dios le pido

Que mi alma no descanse cuando de amarte se trate mi cielo
a Dios le pido


Un segundo más de vida para darte y mi corazón entero entregarte

Un segundo más de vida para darte y a tu lado para siempre yo quedarme

Un segundo más de vida yo a Dios le pido
Y que si me muero sea de amor
y si me enamoro sea de vos
y que de tu voz sea este corazón todos los días a Dios le pido
Y que si me muero sea de amor
y si me enamoro sea de vos
y que de tu voz sea este corazón todos los días a Dios le pido

A Dios le pido

Exhaustion

---

How does one resolve the emotional entanglement of the death of a loved one?

Today at the cemetery I mumbled the following prayer: "My pobre mensa".

The hurt and the pain you caused, so unfair. But, how can I hold that against you when you yourself were in such turmoil. Your hurt, your pain, your anger, your selfishness, blinded you.

What you worked so hard for brought you your demise. But you had no other choice. You were wrongly accused, wrongly ridiculed, wrongly pursued. All works of the devil.

Those who called themselves Christians were the first to pick up the stones. They were the first to pass over their sins and judge you with such intense disgust; they hailed those rocks at your head. They killed your heart.

I can't blame you entirely, sis. How I miss you. This should not have happened. It is not fair--all I get are memories.

Your memories are not enough. How can one stand on a righteous soapbox and proclaim: you have memories to hold onto. I rather not waste my time in cursing such maladies.

I hate the 80's. Especially those evangelical 80's Christians. You know the ones...

But what good does my hate do? None. No good at all. My hate is really not hate. What I have is hurt, hurt, hurt.

If I weren’t a little kid at the time I would have protected you. I would have stuck up for you. I would have shielded you. What they did was wrong. Yes, you made mistakes, but where was the grace?

They used you. They made you their escape goat. Their pretty boy got away. I don't blame him, but I blame the leadership. I blame those who pranced around on the stage with their bibles proclaiming God's goodness and love. But in the meanwhile they slaughter you for divorce. They slandered you. They ridiculed you. He got away.

What of their sins? Yes, their sins. Their sins eventually caused division in the church. Their sins split the church. But they were forgiven. And they too got away.

They are still alive. You, My sister, are dead.

Am I anger for what they did? Yes. Do I want retribution? No.

What I do want is for them to acknowledge their wrongs.

Some are still preachers. Some are still worship leaders. Do what's right.

Maybe what I ask them to do is retribution. If that is the case, then I do want retribution!

This is not an open letter. These are my emotions.

The Fruits of Our Labor

This morning we launched the official espanol version of VEGAS.com -- pronounced: VEGAS punto com.

Here is the direct link to the to the official espanol site: http://espanol.vegas.com

Also, there is the link to the official english site: http://www.vegas.com

Both sites have a top nav graphic that link to its counter-language part. One says English and the other says.......En Espanol, of course :-)

On a unrelated note: Off to the cementary. Today is my sister's birthday. It’s a mexican thing.

Ramon

Perchlorate Lake Mead

Just got home from our sailing trip.

We stopped and ate dinner at Milo's (something....something place) -- I don't remember the full name. Nonetheless, it is in downtown Boulder city.

Today I had some moments of feeling like a kid again--unfortunately it did not last long. My friend, me and Jeff Stoddard set anchor at this nice alcove that faced in the direction of the Dam.

The three of us swam, laughed and played with our noodles (floating devices). We laughed about the concept of magical brown floating noodles and pondered why the water seemed warmer--at times--waist high. Typical guy stuff. But it was fun.

There was a moment where childhood memories rushed through my mind -- those memories were sad ones -- memories of when my friend used to tease me and pick on me. There was a moment where I held my breathe in anticipation of him picking on me.

To my surprise and relief, he did not. On the contrary, with a sincere heart I felt that he was looking out for my best interest, doing his best to keep me out of harms way. A small, clumsy, powerful moment was experienced (had).

I'm dead beat. Time for bed.

One last thing, we did stick with tradition--A dairy Queens run was had prior to heading back to Vegas.

Scene II, Act 1 or Act 1, Scene II

Which on is it?

We had a spiritual/roommate/life pow-wow this morning.

Our derailed freight train is back on course. Life is a little better.

Jeff, me and my friend are off sailing this afternoon at the perchlorite infested Lake Mead. I anticipate a time of talking about life and God.

Pray for us.

Ramon

How I feel right now

I was a fool to say "may I sit back and enjoy the show." What a fool I am ... and what a foolish thing to say.

Things are not going as I planned. Things are more hairy than I anticipated.

I am happy though to be experimenting with my emotions and with issues, rather than going through a mental spiritual checklist, checking off items where I have offended or have not offended.

Although it is difficult, and in some sick way--even as drained as it makes me, I am some what okay with going through what I am going through with my friend.

Please pray for him, me, my dad and my mom. We have lots of things to hash out.

What a fool I am!

On with the show....

Life and Death

I hate cancer.

Joe and Debbie...I'm sorry. I love you guys and am praying for you and your family.

Love,

Ramon

Work

I'm at work--working late again.

We have a new product coming out and I have to work late. Part of me doesn't mind, part of me does. Going through HTML files and flagging them for translation requires a Communications degree. :-)

Should only be here for another hour; it might be two if I keep goofing off!

Unexpected Visitor, Unexpected Circumstances

A childhood friend recently came back into my life in a full way. My friend is now living with me and parents. I don't know how that happened.

Please pray for him and his circumstances. God knows what's in store...may I sit back and enjoy the show.

Doug...thanks :-) And I'll tell my friend that you like his bas--ass tattoos :-)

To My Friend

I want to reach out and touch you; I want to say hello again.

I don't fully understand you, nor do you fully understand me.

It seems so much better to have open dialogue than to have closed lips.

I see you from a distance, I wonder about many things.

The look on you face is both revealing and deceiving.

Revealing the joy I see in you--deceiving me 'cause I am unable to share in that joy with you.

Some may say, "bury the hatchet." But I ask, "what hatchet is there to bury?". For we are not in arms against each other; that barrier does not exist.

For us, another barrier exists.

Our barrier is invisible. Its manifestations are unknown to others, but very real to us.

I pray that barrier would desist. I pray that we both work on the areas we have acknowledged.

May our relationship move away from mere psuedo glances.

May we not run from each other--looking for a place to hide.

Sense of Loss

This morning I awoke with a sense of loss in my heart, mind and soul.

I am sadden by the Palmer's whole ordeal. I was unaware of Jennifer's passing until last night.

Mark, I am so sorry. I feel my words have no true comfort for you--because quite frankly, they probably don't. If I could do or say something to fix or help out, I would. But I can't. So I pray and will continue to pray.

Thank you for being honest and real. Rather, you are honest and real...so, in actuality, thank you for sharing and allowing us to share in your lives.

Ramon

I am off to another wedding in California

Two California trips in one month is very tiring. Although, I thank God this trip is closer in distance than the last.

Me and three off my college friends (I hate that term)...let use, instead, ... (InterVarsity rejects)...are off to an InterVarsity Wedding.

An InterVarsity wedding is not some "single A" college basketball team ceremony. "InterVarsity", short for "InterVarsity Christian Fellowship," is a group that found me while I was a student at the fabulous University of Nevada Las Vegas. Okay, Okay, maybe its not fabulous, but there were days that I pretended it was. And now, having gotten me an edumacation, I now know the truth about my alma mater...it sucks as much as I do. My educational experience was a difficult one. There are days that I believe that my education has only served me in one way: meeting my future boss, Danny Greenspun.

Nonetheless, that is neither here or there. Back to the wedding.

My friend Jeff Hamilton is getting married tomorrow. He is a former staff worker for Intervarsity and is marrying Rachel, who happens to also be a former InterVarsity staff worker. Funny how those things work out. But come to think of it, how come I never hooked up? Well, in all seriousness, I think I know why. And God knows too. And so do some of you.

I am happy for Jeff and Rachel.

Jeff if fortunate to be marrying a "real" girl. A real girl who knows knows about the joys and pains of life. I happy that he did not succmb to the temptation to marry just anyone, or worse, to marry a girl 'cause she is "hot", "fine", "phat", "gorgeous", etc... Jeff could have fallen into the trap of "me man--you woman" let's get married syndrome; but he did not.

Instead, he involved his community on his decision of marriage. To the extent that he involved them, I am unaware of. But, knowing the type of community he comes from, I know he involved them quite a bit. And furthermore, I know that he was open to much counsel from those who have gone before him.

I anticipate our trip to be fun. With that said, Father God, may we have fun and may we not do stupid things to hurt ourselves nor may stupid or careless things be done to us. Me, superstitous? Nah...Okay, maybe a little...

My three companions for tomorrow are Paul Weiland (former roomate of two years and interVarsity reject), Josh Krage (friend and InterVarsity reject), and Erick Hutchinson, whom we call "Hutch" (friend, former accountability partner and InterVarsity reject).

We are scheduled to leave at 7 a.m. That's kinda early, but not really. I hoping this will be a fun and relaxing trip to hang out and truly be ourselves and laugh all the way there and all the way back.

I just got a call Josh...last minute planning details to hash out. I am now really excited 'cause he's bringing some ambience elecronica music. Think of slow techno accompanied with visual stimulants, and that is kinda what ambience electronica music is. He is bringing one of my favorite cd's of all time: Little Buddha Cafe.

Well, I'm out for now. Must clean room, pack and chill before the trip.

Peace!

Our Trip has come to an end

Here is a synoptical itemize list of what we have done in the last four days:

- Drove to los banos and crashed for a few hours at my sister's.

- Drove to San Francisco and walked Pier 39. Has a clam chowder bread bowl. Alan had my crackers, nothing more. He doesn't like seafood.

- Drove to Newark, CA and crashed for a few hours at our hotel.

- Drove to the wedding and interacted with many different people. Ate some very, very, very, very good Pak-Indian food.

- Drove to hotel and went to bed.

- Drove to San Jose and visited an art museum, kinkos for internet access, an independent movie house and had drinks at their coffee bar, walked downtown San Jose.

- Drove to my sister's house. On the way we stopped at Casa De Fruta (House of Fruit), it's a former hacienda that has been converted into a tourist trap that sell every type of fruit product imaginable.

- Drove to my sister's house and cooked dinner and ate it.

- Visited my sister's neighbor's. An elderly couple. The husband is a retired pastor who is suffering from cancer. Meet all the other neighbor's.

- Slept.

- Woke up early and drove home.

- Talked with mom, alan, dad and then went and hung with community.

That's the synopsis.

My sister's house

Alan...I mean, Allan and I made it to her house (Los Banos, CA). We listened to two John Piper sermons on the way down to my sister's house.

We had a good time in San Jose. Alan's desire to visit an art museum showed me a new aspect about my Barrio. After leaving the art museum, I spent a half hour looking for internet acces. All the while, Allan soaked his feet in the fountains in the heart of Downtonw San Jose.

Upon finding my cherished internet access, I went to look for Allan. Allan was to be found soaking his feet, taking in the scenery (kids and others jumping, weaving in-n-out of the water pillars), and thinking comlentative thoughts.

Kinkos was our internet "dealer" for the afternoon. Fininshing our fix, we headed over to an independent movie house where they served up nicely brewed coffee. I ordered a Chai tea Latte and Allan had steamed milked with a shot of Irish cream. Allan, the inquisitive man he is, asked me if I liked my drink. "Well, Alan, its like drinking an expected coca-cola when in reality you're drinking a diet coke....it leaves a bad taste in your mouth." Apparently, the counter-cultered chick behind the counter mistook my longing for an all natural starbuck's chai tea latte, and served me up a discounted cup of soy milk chai latte tea. I must admit, it was a decent drink--but, even more decent was the price. A $1.75 is what I paid. Starbucks would have charge me double!

Here's Allan:

hey allan, it your turn to write. In a whiny, alan voice, he laments "I don't want to write anything." Pha! What a putz! My niece Melissa chimes in, "Uncle Ramon, your like a big 12 year old." Whatever, Melissa. But I still love ya Mija.

Saturday of our trip

We are sitiing at Kinko's in downtown San Jose (my home town).

We're approachning three o'clock and have been laid back today with out time and our destination. We're having dinner with my sister, her family and my dad. Should be fun.

I am being charged 20 cents a minute. Me being the simpled minded math guys asks the counter-boy/man, "how much is that for an hour"? His response, "12 dollars an hour." I guess I could have taken the time to figured it out but I didn't. Let's see...there's 60 minutes in one hour, 12 incriments on a clock, one dollar for each incriment, 12 incriments multipled by one dollar; that inded does make 12 dollars for an hour.

It's kinda nice chillin' in my home town with Alan. But, it would be a whole different scenario if he were my wife...you know what I mean. If instead of him being here, I could have my wife here. Alan just finish reading the newspaper and now is reading what I am typing. I should hurry up and clarify the wife thing before either a) he gets insulted b) you (the reader) misunderstand or c) Alan helped me with the "b" portion--he suggested it and d) there is no "d".

Alan versus my imaginative wife:

"Alan is a man--that's it" Alan chimes in. We both laugh :-)

Alan is my friend and my brother. He has accompanied me on this trip which has been a good one. He cares for me and I care for him. Alan, do you love me? "Yes he does, even though I spell his name wrong all the time" Allan spouts off.

If Allan were my wife, i could intimately share with him my home town. That doesn't mean that I can't intimately share with him my home town and that he would appreciate it or like it.

If Allan were my wife I could show him my home town and that would be another link in our bond as husband/wife. But Allan is not my wife, neither is Alan.

So, what's point? Stop day-dreaming about my imiginative wife, and continue enjoying Allan's company and enjoying Alan's company as well. Allan chimes in, "even though Allan is tired and cranky."

I will now turn it over to Allan or is it Alan?

Ramon didn't mention that last night we spent from 8pm - 1am at a Pakistani wedding. It was fun, even though there wasn't any dancing. The main thought that was going through my head was: Wow, Pakstani women are beautiful! And I mean it, they really are. Their clothes were really beautiful too and that is something you would never hear me say about clothes. It was also a Muslim wedding, that was very interesting too. It seems as though almost everyone there was affluent and I wondered about the Islamic teaching regarding the rich and wealth. At the wedding, I didn't actually meet any Pakstani people, but we sat at the White person table and I didn't feel outgoing, although I felt totally comfortable, being not outgoing. All and all, the experience was a worthwhile one and I learned a lot about myself and a different culture.

I'm tired and that is all I have to say.

I just finish writing my thoughts our day at frisco and stupid Mac crappy system doesn't work -- maybe it is user error.

Here is Allan:

Allan is pretty sure it was user ignorance. "Use the Apple key, Ramon." Jim, what are we gonna do with these Ibm junkies. so yea, we are in frisco at this internet cafe and I have 5 minutes to write, because it costs 4 freakin dollars per 15 minutes. In Ramon's thoughts he proposed that I am cheap and I would have to agree with that proposition. We thought about going to China town, but I dont wanna pay for the trolley... and we don't have time to walk there... so we didn't go. But that is ok with me, because... I value my money more than I should.

In Other news, I started playing Star Wars and I actually considered buying a freakin new computer just to play this game... I mean that I actually started to price stuff out at Jim's, but my cheapness has won and also, I feel like the game is somewhat vampiric. I am sure it could be a joy to some people, but it just sucks me dry, even though I enjoy (in a wierd way) the self-destruction.

Ramon is telling me to hurry up when we have about 1.5 minutes left... How freakin long does it take to click twice... i do have to ask you that Ramon... and I tell you to Stop and DESIST you anxious crazy person.

Ok, now I really should get off... Peace out my brothers... 30 secs to go
!!!!!!!!